“Empathy is not all it is cracked up to be…”
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In my last newsletter I shared a perspective on Trust and what it means – it caused a flurry of questions and conversations I am delighted to share here for clarification purposes.
I shared my view of what trust looks like and where it comes from. One reader shared an article from Inc Australia (Aaron Bock, May 2024) that stated, “If there is no trust, there is no growth” and that trust is a key element in the most effective teams. Indeed, in any team, I would suggest…
Bock’s (nicely timed) article named five challenges that can impede trust:
Lack of Open Communication
Fear of Conflict
Inconsistent Behaviour and Expectations (what I call Predictability)
Lack of shared Goals and Vision
Failure to Recognise and Appreciate Contribution (what I called Mattering).
I like this list of impediments and challenges, but would suggest a couple of amendments:
Fear of Conflict would suggest a lack of Psychological Safety (Amy Edmondson’s definition says that this is a shared belief held by members of a team that it is okay to take risk). But it may be that the team felt it was safe to hold a differing opinion, and that subsequently caused conflict.
In this case, the danger lies in Unresolved Conflict more than fear of causing conflict. The big elephant remains in the room.
The other missing piece of the puzzle is in Lack of Empathy. This can create emotional distance and reduce the willingness of teams to be open and vulnerable with their ideas and innovations. When team members fail to show empathy towards another, it can make us feel undervalued and unheard.
Leaders, remember that empathy, for all its value and worth can be a double-edged sword. When we express empathy, we very often do so by leaning into our biases. By that I mean, I will be far more empathetic towards my team than yours, or my group within a team. Or, I may be more empathetic towards the team member I see on a daily basis versus the ones working remotely. Even working remotely just some of the time.
Remember, fairness is more important to team members than status.
Helping employees know they matter, by helping leaders show they care. This is my mission now.
Please feel free to share this blog with anyone you feel would appreciate and value it. And reach out if you want to have a no-obligation conversation about developing caring leaders and lifting performance and connection in your teams.
#canwetalk #critcalconversations #caringconversations #safety #trust #belonging #mattering