The Avoider as a leader

I recently spoke with a leader who wanted to know at what point is she going to be accused of prying into the mental health of a team member? Or into business that doesn't concern her? She decided not to say anything until she really needed to. As my colleague Digby Scott said in a recent conversation, these are leaders "who care but don't want to carry". I completely get that.

The Avoider is often well-meaning in that he/she doesn't want to pry, or ask nosey questions, or interfere with someone having a hard time. They don't know where the line is between what is okay to ask and what isn't. They sometimes fear stepping too far, asking something they aren't allowed.

Heaven forbid they think someone may be suicidal. It is surprisingly common in some industries and sectors that leaders don't say anything when they see a team member struggling. (Usually, but not always, male-dominated).

The thought process is usually "I'm not pulling at that thread" or "I'm not opening that Pandora's Box" "They can talk to HR" "What if I'm the problem?" "What if I have to be the solution?" "I don't know what to say" "What if they latch onto me?"

Half of leaders are unsure about, or uncertain of, what to say. Or they are unwilling to have a caring conversation and just ship someone off to HR to resolve. Not HR's role and never was! That is a leader's role, at least in the first instance. But they need the skills to be able to do it, and I can help with that.

Check out the Capability Map - see if you can pinpoint in what area of the map each of your leaders belongs. then we can have a chat about how to get them somewhere up in the top right quadrant.